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The Rights of the Dying

July 4, 2014 By Helena Artmann

The Rights of the Dying - David KesslerYeah, I know.  I don’t love the title of the book I am reading. Since I had the experience with Ricardo, I got fascinated with the subject of death and dying and this lead my path to find this book in the Canmore Library. I devoured it.

Mixed with happiness and longing, I avidly read its pages, in complete awe with what I was reading. It made so much sense of my whole experience as a caregiver! And it explained why I am feeling so peaceful since then.

I didn’t have previous experience with end-of-life care and, during the process, I just read one book handed to me by the home-care nurses. My grieving and my son’s grieving had the help of a wonderful social worker, many books and common sense.

Reading the words of David Kessler in The Rights of the Dying made me realize that, somehow, we did everything right. How did that happen? I am not sure, but it did and I am extremely glad and grateful that it happened this way.

He mentions how important it is for the dying to decide their own ‘destiny’, even if they have cancer or any other terminal disease. They still can decide where and how they want to die. And I remember very clear how Ricardo decided his last moments.

He was so determined with everything that I put myself on the passenger seat and accepted his wishes. It was very hard for me to do that, as I am not like that normally, but now I can understand why it was SO important!

I am also grateful to let my son be part of everything. No half words, no places for wild imagination – in this case, wild imagination is not a good thing. My son was part of the process, and after a year and a half had passed, I can see how well we dealt with everything.

But what ‘well’ means? To me, means that we were open to feel, see, touch, and live everything that Ricardo was going through. Changes in breathing, physical changes, a coma-like state at the very end, stop eating, stop drinking and all the nuances our body experiences when we are about to die.

Or, as David Kessler beautifully refers to, “when our body is going through the process of separation from our soul“. Now, I am embarking in another healing journey and, hopefully, the result of it will bring peace and joy to everyone I touch with my words.

Filed Under: Resources Tagged With: david kessler, elizabeth kuhbler-ross, life's final moments, rights of the dying

In August 2010, my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He passed away on Jan 05, 2013, at home.

This blog is the result of what I learned during these difficult times and how I am grieving through my son.

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