My marriage is over, after suffering for long years and despite our many attempts to ‘fix’ it, including 14 months of couple’s counseling. It didn’t work but we learned loads on our long path to a strong friendship = the result of eight years together. I wish my story was more common, but it seems that I am a weirdo. My story is so rare that people almost don’t believe that it can work or can be true. They are always questioning our intention or seeing one of us as ready to jump in each other’s jugular and give him/her a bite full of venom.
I know it is hard to believe that I can be such a good friend to my ex-husband, that we still live in the same home as we can’t afford the physical separation (but we comfortably installed ourselves into separate rooms and separate lives), and that I can start a fresh new relationship amidst of this ‘weird’ situation… But this is my life now.
My trip to Brazil brought me back to my ‘reality’: a stressful and very unhappy relationship, where we both didn’t love each other anymore. Well, not as a couple but certainly as friends. Time to move on. Finally. So I told my then husband that I was ready for a new relationship – yes, relationship that is.
Despite all my preconception about dating websites, I realized that I had no chance in finding anyone if I didn’t try them. I don’t like to go out and I didn’t have any friends to go out with. How to start my search then? Websites! Signed up for one. Looked around and almost gave up. Signed for another one and a third, after a couple of days trying. I freaked out with the possibility of being unsafe out there. I got a few poor interactions and deleted by mistake my text presenting myself just 24 hours after signing up. Went back to fix it and noticed an email sent by a… mountain guide!
Are you kidding?
No, he was not. I knew him as he works for my main client. And I accepted his offer for a coffee in no time… To make a long story short, we are dating since March and life is good. I’ve been climbing some interesting routes in the Bow Valley with him and planning some challenging objectives, at least for me, after four years with almost no climbing. He has two kids, ages 6 and 9, and my 4 year-old son loves them. We’ve been camping a few times with the boys and had some quality time as a new formed ‘family’, if I can call it a family in such early stages of the relationship.
My ex-husband knows him and they get along well enough for a few ‘family’ supper together. Yep. That’s right: the two of them sitting on the same table, with their kids and me. Weird? Not at all. A great feeling that I have two mature men in my life – mature enough to understand the situation and deal with it really well. I am, in fact, a very lucky woman…
Well, and the cancer, you might ask. It is melting away. Literally. The pancreas lesion is so small that they can’t measure it anymore, so they estimate that it is ‘less than 1 centimetre’. The liver lesions are also getting smaller but not as fast as the pancreas one – but they will catch up! As my son said when I told him that Daddy’s tumour was shrinking: ‘and then will go away!’ 🙂 Yes, my dear, then it will go away…
Ricardo looks healthy and his spirit is high – he even signed up for gym classes, which he does a few times a week! Date may be out of question for now, for obvious reasons, but he has it on sight and signed himself for a few websites as well, showing me some pictures and asking for my opinion. We don’t fight anymore and our home is a happy place again. We all benefit from the situation and it is noticeable that our son feels it as well, as a (good) sign of less stress in our lives.